ZOOM MARINATOR: Infomercial Review

My wife hates it when I'm in the kitchen when she's trying to cook. I'm the guy running my fingers into the cookie dough, sampling the chili while it's still in the pan, and sneaking a deviled egg while she's not looking.

So here's my question: if women like my wife hate us being in the kitchen while they're cooking,why do they order so many fun devices that make guys like me want to play with them? Remember the Veg-O-Matic? It never worked, but it sure was a lot of fun!

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And now my wife bought the Zoom Marinator. This is a device with so many fun things to play with. It keeps things fresh by offering this pump that you push in and out to suck out all the air. I found myself wanting to "freshenize" things just to use the pump. Hey, here's some water! Let's keep it fresh! My wife was not impressed.

Then there's the contraption that you push down on top of your meat or vegetables that injects the food with whatever you want injected...."fifty flavor pins," according to Chef Tony. I think this was the last straw for my wife. She did not appreciate the baked potatoes injected with hot sauce. Oh well.

By the way, who is this Chef Tony guy in the commercial anyway? He looks like the greasy chef who works at every truckstop diner you've ever seen. Makes good looking food, though--if he in fact made the food in the commercial.

I'm glad my wife ordered ZOOM MARINATOR (even if they did misspell "marinater"). It's one of the best ways for guys like me to have fun in the kitchen.

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Micro Smores Infomercial Review

“Would you like a Smore?”

“How can I have some more if I haven’t had any yet?”

“Your killing me here smalls!”

Ok, that’s enough Sandlot line dropping. So who hasn’t heard of a delicious Smore? You know the delicious camping treat you get when you roast a marshmallow then stick it on a graham cracker and chocolate. MMmmm! My mouth is watering just thinking about it. But wait, its winter. Traditionally, Smores are a treat attached solely to bonfires and camping and I don’t know about you but I have camped in the winter and it’s not all its cracked up to be. So how can I enjoy my favorite treat from my childhood year round? Well, that’s where Micro Smores comes in.

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It seems like a pretty simple design. A bit of plastic, and a stand, you put your ingredients in the desired order and place it on the stand and cover it with plastic, pop it in the microwave and poof, ten seconds later, deliciousness. Sorry, this was a kind of vague description, but the infomercial doesn’t really give much more information on how it works. Something about the microwave causes an arm on the plastic cover to compress everything inside to the perfect fit. Seems like magic to me. Oh, sweet, gooey, delicious magic. I don’t even need to make an excuse to my girlfriend about how I want to get this more my nephew, I am just getting it for myself. Screw the diet!!!!

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Wow Storage Infomercial Review

Very rarely do I see an infomercial that makes me tilt my head to the side and say “Dang, that’s a good idea.” It’s so rare in fact that I don’t think it has ever happened to me. What could this incredible invention be you ask that makes the guy who loves to watch infomercials passionate enough to describe his reaction to the infomercial itself? Could it be an in home money machine, or a food replicator (for you star trek people), the cure to cancer (I don’t think they would make an infomercial for that) or maybe a hologram (again for the trekkies)? The answer is no, to all of those. The incredible invention is actually some Tupper ware style containers (I know not as exciting as you thought). They are called the Wow Storage system and it’s actually kind of cool. So cool in fact that I don’t even have anything witty or bad to say about them.

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They are basically your average Tupper ware style containers that both sides of it can act as a bottom or a top. If you can wrap your head around that without a visual, then I salute you but I don’t think that I can explain it properly or due it justice describing it here so I suggest that you go and watch the infomercial for your self. Asseenontvvideos.com and the product is Wow Storage. Enjoy.

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GRATER PLATER: Infomercial Review

Remember this?

"I do not like them
in a house.
I do not like them
with a mouse.
I do not like them
here or there.
I do not like them
anywhere.
I do not like
green eggs and ham.
I do not like them,
Sam-I-am."

I love Dr. Seuss rhymes as much as anyone, and "Green Eggs & Ham" is my favorite. But I hate it when infomercial spokesmen try to "Seussify" their ads. Take the infomercial for the GRATER PLATER as an example.

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With it, we're told "you have a plate that grates." And "For zest, it's the best." And "If you use a press, it's a mess." I was expecting to find out that "I could grate inside a house, I could even grate a mouse. I can grate my eggs and ham. You can grate, too, Sam I Am!"

By the way, as you can guess by the product name, Grater Plater is this handy plate-like device that makes it a breeze to grate just about anything--cheese, garlic, onions--anything. And yes, I ordered it, and yes, it's as good as the ad suggests. But please--spare me the childish poetry.

Sure, there were other things about the commercial that irked me, too. Like when she showed the graphic scene where a lady cut herself with a standard grater. And like the part where the announcer said a regular grater would not even pop a balloon (Sorry, but I seldom use my grater for that purpose.)

But still, it's the poetry that I hate the most. Why?

"Because when you try to rhyme your ad,
it winds up sounding really bad,
Just like you're speaking to a child,
and I wind up feeling quite riled."

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Pancake Puffs Infomercial Review

Pancake Puffs Infomercial Review

I am normally not the person to stop my nightly routine of channel surfing when I happen across another infomercial trying to sell me on some other contraption made up by some body with way too much time on their hands. It seems like all some people do is sit around and try to come up with ways to reinvent the same things and then sell them on TV. Mostly, I will take a second and just see what the product is and happily be on my way to the latest fad in reality (or non reality) TV, but when I see food products, I am slightly intrigued. And when it deals with my favorite meal of the day, breakfast, I actually become a little enticed.When one first looks at what the Pancake Puffs is, it literally looks like just a cupcake pan in skillet form. Not exactly going to win the next Nobel, however the types of food you can make with it look extremely delicious and dare I say, easy.

Loving breakfast as I do (if I haven’t said that already) I already know how to make pancakes, and I know the product actually targets pancakes in it commercial, but I don’t think that is why I want a Pancake Puffs skillet. It is because I try to make crepes, and donut holes at home and it almost certainly turns into a bigger mess than it is worth trying to roll them up or trying to put deliciousness (my own word) in the middle. My morning inevitably winds up with me cursing to my self for yet another futile attempt at making my favorite foods. But the practicality of Pancake Puffs in my life is through the roof and although the extra long toothpicks (mmmgh… I mean flipping sticks) doesn’t really put the product over the top for me, the pudding/jam/icing/ whatever I want…. injector certainly does. Don’t take my word for it, watch the commercial , I think you can find it at PancakePuffs.com and come up with your own ideas. It almost does seem like endless opportunities for all meals, not too mention breakfast!!!!

Lypo-Spheric Vitamin C: Infomercial Review

Lypo-Spheric Vitamin C: Infomercial Review

Did you ever find yourself wanting to argue with a commercial? I found myself wanting to do so the other day with the Lypo-Spheric Vitamin C commercial. Oh it's not the product itself. My sister is a big believer in Vitamin C, and swears by Lypo-Spheric. And I have to give props to the product: It seems as effective as they claim.
No, my argument is with the silly claims of the commercial itself. I just don't buy a few things. For instance, the fat cop who says "I want to lower my cholesterol." Seriously? You're going to perpetuate the donut-eating fat cop stereotype? And you're doing it while having him wear the police cap that nobody ever wears any more? Furthermore, I don't buy the fact that he's directing traffic while looking at and talking to the camera. Seems like a safety hazard to me!
I don't buy that when a woman takes the powder, she does so with a seductively evil grin on her face. Don't misunderstand: I'm all for a beautiful woman trying to seduce me. I just don't believe she gets turned on by vitamin C.
I understand that Lypo-Spheric helps a person feel and look younger. But if I saw my grandparents swinging on the playground swing like the couple in this commercial, I might tend to think senility has sent in. So no, I don't buy that, either.
And finally, I don't buy the scene where the woman runs awkwardly down the beach and jumps and kicks her heels together. Do people really do that? I've been very happy in my life, and even "vibrant," as this commercial likes to call it,but never once jumped and kicked my heels together.
If my sister ever does that, I'm taking the Lypo-Spheric away from her.

Pancake Puffs: Infomercial Review

Pancake Puffs: Infomercial Review

As soon as I heard the name for the product advertised on a commercial the other day, I knew I'd be buying it. After all, how could you NOT buy something with a cool name like “Pancake Puffs”? Heck, I thought it was tissue paper with a pancake design and I was ready to buy.

Turns out, Pancake Puffs is a kitchen device for making my favorite thing: Food. So you can make these muffin-shaped “pancakes” with Pancake Puffs. And by the way, in my part of the world, we had a different name for pancakes shaped like muffins; we called them “muffins.”

Same with the pizza-flavored pancake puffs they show. We call those “pizza rolls.” But let's not quibble over semantics. The food all looks delicious and easy to make.

I could perhaps do without the 50 “flipping sticks.” If you haven't seen the commercial, visualize a toothpick Now visualize it about three times the length. That's a “flipping stick.”

As much as I want Pancake Puffs, I don't know if my wife will agree. If you see the commercial, you'll understand. Regular pancakes stack nice and neat...until you add syrup, at which time syrup gets over everything. At least, when I'm eating them, it does. Now imagine a slob like me stacking ROUND pancakes up pyramid style, with gooey syrup dripping all the way down. Are you seeing the mess in your mind? I know my wife is.

So I can't count on her to buy me Pancake Puffs. For that reason, let the call go forth: if you want to buy me something for Christmas, I love pancakes. And muffins. And pancake-muffins,even.