STRAP PERFECT: Infomercial Review

STRAP PERFECT: Infomercial Review

My wife and I had some disagreements recently as we watched the infomercial for STRAP PERFECT. In case you don't know, that's this plastic device that holds the bra straps together so that, even when a woman is wearing a sleeveless dress, the bra straps don't show up. But my wife disagreed on many points.

For starters, she wanted to change the channel and I disagreed. Any time a woman's bra is the focus of attention on a late-night commercial, I'm for keeping the channel right where it is. I was even more convinced we needed to continue watching the commercial as the spokeswoman pulled on the model's bra straps. Yum, hot lesbian action!

My wife was not amused.

But she did at least like the music they used for the commercial. Again, I disagreed. It was a corny guitar rock song. They must have paid the musicians in free Strap Perfects for that number.

But the biggest disagreement came when the spokeswoman said the woman would look “at least one cup size bigger.” My wife asked if I thought she needed that. I said yes. She got mad because I didn't love her just the way she is. I said no. She got mad because she thought I didn't want to spend the money on her.


I admit to not understanding bras as well as my wife, but something else perplexed me about this commercial. The Strap Perfect comes in three colors: clear, black and “nude” (and every guy's attention perks up at that last one). Then the spokeswoman says there's something “for every bra color.” So those are the three bra colors? Black, clear and nude? Whatever happened to white? And where are these clear bras? I must see one of those. Preferably as someone is wearing it.

But don't tell my wife I said that.

EZ BUNDLER with Billy Mays: Infomercial Review

EZ BUNDLER: Infomercial Review

There are a few things you should know about Billy Mays. First, he is not a famous baseball player from yesteryear (That was Willie). Second, he never talks; he always yells. And third, he is the king of the infomercials in the 21^st century, much as Ron Popeil (of RONCO and Pocket Fisherman fame) was in the 1970s and 80s.

And so he's back screaming his way through this new commercial for the EZ Bundler. The idea is simple: It takes just a matter of a few seconds to bundle together just about anything that neds bundling. Logs, lumber, newspapers, probably even “the money you could be saving with Geicko.”

But see, Billy Mays is always a bit over the top. For instance, he proudly boasts that EZ Bundler can hold these two cinder blocks without breaking. But why? What exactly is the purpose of using any kind of rope or twine or ties to hold a single block?

And did I mention he yells? A lot! Is anyone really this excited about a new way to tie things together?

Willy tells me he'll sell me this incredible device for just $19.95.

“But wait!” Of course. Don't we always have to wait in these things, since there's always “more”? He'll send me a second one, but only if I order now. So apparently Billy is a psychic and knows when I'm ordering. Because then and only then will he send me the second one.

I'm going to give EZ Bundler a try. I'm a sucker for every kind of tool out there. And besides, my girlfriend said she's buying me one for our anniversary.

Guess what – or WHO – SHE wants to tie up?