DYNO-WRAP: Infomercial Review

DYNO-WRAP: Infomercial Review

Finally home after a long day at work, I was slumped owlishly in my favorite chair, flipping channels on the TV, and found myself muttering “Infomercials, that’s the only thing they show nowadays. They’re not even commercials anymore, nooo, infomercials, as if they really contained information! What happened to afternoon cartoons?” My wife’s head popped out of the bedroom and she asked, “What’s that, Honey?"

I pointed to the TV with the remote control. “Just look at this, now they claim that there’s a tape that cleans up kitchen messes. And what would a dinosaur want with tape anyway?” She smirked and didn’t answer so I thought it safe to continue “And really, who would sound that happy over getting a leak somewhere?” I mimicked the voice coming from the TV: “Oh jolly good, I have a water leak in the basement, it’s flooded; now I can pull out my trusted tape and fix both the pipes and this high voltage cord.” I was getting into this now! “And look at that, that’s an industry, do you think the water company uses tape when they get a leak? Soon they’ll tell us NASA uses it to fix the space shuttles!” I shook my head as the commercial showed someone ruining their tools by wrapping tape all around them.

She grinned and taunted me, “Well, he did say that it’s good up to 500 degrees, so who knows…”

Something wasn’t right here; she looked smug and didn’t agree with me! I glanced at her and asked slowly “What?” Shaking her head, she answered innocently “Nothing” and it was easy to visualize a halo over her head slowly falling askew. “Well, alright, I fixed your car with that tape last week. It was leaking gas. I charged the tape to your credit card.” I was flabbergasted. “You what? My car?” She nodded, looking all happy. “Oh yeah, I thought about telling you, but you would have fixed it with a lot of copper tubes, at least a six pack of beer and a barbecue with your friends, this way it only cost you 20 bucks!”

I sank back in my chair, trying to figure out what was worst; that she had fixed my Charger with tape or that I hadn’t noticed!

EZ BUNDLER with Billy Mays: Infomercial Review

EZ BUNDLER: Infomercial Review

There are a few things you should know about Billy Mays. First, he is not a famous baseball player from yesteryear (That was Willie). Second, he never talks; he always yells. And third, he is the king of the infomercials in the 21^st century, much as Ron Popeil (of RONCO and Pocket Fisherman fame) was in the 1970s and 80s.

And so he's back screaming his way through this new commercial for the EZ Bundler. The idea is simple: It takes just a matter of a few seconds to bundle together just about anything that neds bundling. Logs, lumber, newspapers, probably even “the money you could be saving with Geicko.”

But see, Billy Mays is always a bit over the top. For instance, he proudly boasts that EZ Bundler can hold these two cinder blocks without breaking. But why? What exactly is the purpose of using any kind of rope or twine or ties to hold a single block?

And did I mention he yells? A lot! Is anyone really this excited about a new way to tie things together?

Willy tells me he'll sell me this incredible device for just $19.95.

“But wait!” Of course. Don't we always have to wait in these things, since there's always “more”? He'll send me a second one, but only if I order now. So apparently Billy is a psychic and knows when I'm ordering. Because then and only then will he send me the second one.

I'm going to give EZ Bundler a try. I'm a sucker for every kind of tool out there. And besides, my girlfriend said she's buying me one for our anniversary.

Guess what – or WHO – SHE wants to tie up?