New Infomercials - The Latest Infomercials and Commercials Reviews

BIG TOP CUPCAKES: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 00:22:00 +0000

Finally, an infomercial I can get behind! In a late-night world full of commercials for diet products, healthy-eating contraptions, and exercise equipment, the commercial for Big Top Cupcakes is just what the doctor DIDN'T order--but I did.

In case you're not sure what a Big Top Cupcake is, let me give you an illustration. Think of your typical cupcake. Then think of a birthday cake. Now think of a cupcake as big as your birthday cake. That idea, together with all the sugar and fat it brings, is a Big Top Cupcake. So this product is what you need to create these huge and clever-looking confections.

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Maybe too clever--especially the commercial. Am I the only one who, when I heard the announcer saying "Feeling like a fool when your cakes aren't cool?" thought immediately of that AMERICAN IDOLS song, "Pants on the Ground"?

"Hey, get your pants off the ground
Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground
Gold in your mouth
Hat turned sideways
Pants hit the ground
Call yourself a cool cat
Looking like a fool

Walkin', talkin', with your pants on the ground."

We could easily add, "Feeling like a fool when your cakes aren't cool, cake's on the ground and your pants on the ground."

Okay, back to the commercial. As they bring out these huge cakes, with their smiley faces and cute animal decorations, the announcer tells us these are "25 times the size of regular pancakes." Somewhere in there is a BEVERLY HILLBILLIES gag that just missed its time. Can't you see Jethro saying he's going to the kitchen to get a cupcake, and coming out with cupcake the size of a basketball?

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Titan Peeler: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 19:22:00 +0000

I'm always fascinated by the names they give to products that are sold on those late-night infomercials. For instance, do you remember the GINSU KNIFE? I'm positive that no American knows what 'ginsu" means, but just think it sounds Japanese. And for some reason, maybe pertaining to samurais and ninjas, we think of sharp blades when we think of Ginsus. There was also the Veg-a-Matic, which did indeed slice vegetables, but since it was totally hand-powered, there was nothing automatic about it.

And now we have the Titan Peeler. "Titan" means "giant; big and powerful." So of course, one of the selling points of Titan Peeler is that it's so....SMALL and easy-to-handle. Makes perfect sense in infomercial-land.

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This is one of several infomercial items I have personally bought. I did it because I'm lazy and Titan Peeler does a great job of slicing and peeling things in considerably less time. But I bought it before I saw the commercial. Good thing, because the commercial would not have caused me to buy.

For starters, I'm insulted by their having this guy with an Australian accent promoting the product. In fact, more and more people think that British or Australian accents are good for selling food products. Am I, because I'm American, considered inept in the kitchen? (I'm a total expert with the microwave).

But the one part of the commercial that I like is the question that opens it: "Do you want to peel and slice vegetables in an instant?" To which I reply, "No, I don't want to peel and slice them at all."

But since NOT peeling them is not an option, doing it faster is better than nothing. And that's why I love the Titan Peeler. Because laziness is my curse.

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WATER JET: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 20:05:00 +0000

To the makers of the Water Jet infomercial, I have a question for you: Did you really mean to promote this as a product for rednecks? Because that's really how it comes across.

For those who haven't seen it, the Water Jet is this super-powered alternative to a hose or pressure washer that has the ability to reach into hard-to-reach places. And I should also point out that my brother-in-law, who does landscaping work for a living, uses Water Jet a lot and loves it--and no, he's not a redneck.

But we start this commercial with this woman who is dressed like a character right out of LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE, with her hillbilly long, stringy hair and her hillbilly long skirt (on a hot summer day) screaming at her redneck husband with arms flailing, "It's too loud!) ("It" being his pressure washer).

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Her husband is not much better with his shorty-short shorts from the 1970s. Make no mistake about it: This is a family just waiting for their appearance on The Jerry Springer show. Later in the commercial we see the family getting rid of a wasp net by spraying it from a distance with the Water Jet. Hey, why waste all that money on an exterminator, right? We'll hose them to death! Again--classic redneck strategy.

What really amuses me about the commercial is when the announcer says "here's how it works," and then goes into this scientific mumbo-jumbo that you just know this family doesn't understand. But hey, at least it fills up a good 20 seconds of the commercial and sounds like the announcer knows what he's saying, right?

I'd love to buy Water Jet; I really would. I'm just afraid Uncle Earl who lives next door and won't splurge for indoor plumbing will use it to take a shower.

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Nuwave Oven Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 20:23:00 +0000

Does anybody out there really like taking more time to cook his or her food and end up with it tasting bland and full of fat? I don’t think so. That is why I feel the Nuwave Oven is so incredible. I do not currently have one, (although I soon will I hope) however, I was at a buddies house and his mom made everything we ate practically in the Nuwave Oven. As we sat down at the table to enjoy the food we had been smelling and salivating over for the last half hour, I was blown away at the spread of options. (It is no secret why college kids like to go home) I asked, “Man, this must have take you forever to cook all this? That’s why I only cook one thing and not a bunch of sides and what not.” She just kinda looked at me funny and said, “It wasn’t that hard.” I was baffled, how could so much deliciousness come from the kitchen?

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Well, she showed me and it answered it all. The Nuwave Oven was sitting right there in the middle of the counter and she proceeded to tell me how much healthier the food is because it drips off more fat, and how much quicker it is because of the, and I quote her, “Three methods of cooking,” that she proceeded to explain in depth to me. As I look back at the situation, I kinda laugh a bit because it really was just about as corny as the scenarios you see in the infomercials. But it all made so much sense.

I don’t think that the Nuwave Oven is going to turn me into this master chef with a repertoire of food selections to make, but if it is going to cut my cook time and make the food delicious while all being easier on me, it is sold.

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Dotza Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 00:26:00 +0000

So lets get this straight. The Dotza is a marker that has a spot on it the keeps the marker tip from making a complete dot on the page when you press it down. Does this just seem strange and subtly simple to anyone else? A marker . . .. and all it does is leave a blank spot on the page where you just tried to make a dot. So, it isn’t even a good marker. Who would buy a marker that doesn’t leave a mark? I mean isn’t that a defining characteristic of what makes a marker a marker? It is suppose to mark things.

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Granted one can make some pretty cool designs and be all artsy when it comes to putting pen/ pencil or whatever medium you use, to paper. But I don’t really see the value in something like that doesn’t give you everything you are paying for. Lets face it; you are paying for a faulty marker. But maybe I should digress a bit here. If we were to go back and pay attention to the infomercial, you might be surprised to find that there aren’t any Picassos or Van Goghs in the background. These are kids and kids have imaginations.

Who am I to put down the fun that they are having. True, I do not think that it would have been something I would have enjoyed as a child, I was more of play outside kind of kid that loathed the moment the street lights came on. Nonetheless, in this video game playing, be who you want to be, and its hard on kids self esteem to be picked last for sports teams kinda world, these Dotza markers are a welcomed substitute to sitting in front of the TV at my sisters house. I just wonder how easy they would be to scrub off the walls.

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MISTER STEAMY: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 20:08:00 +0000

Maybe I just stay up too late, but I was sure when I saw a commercial for something called "Mister Steamy," I was in for something that bordered on porn. How wrong I was.

Actually,Mister Steamy seems like a handy product for getting the wrinkles out of your clothes without ironing. But the commercial--once again we have rampant stupidity on display by the people in the ad.

Of course you wouldn’t dry your clothes with an iron or iron your clothes with a dryer. Pretty sure that part is common sense. If someone does do this, they are probably not seeing this commercial anyway, because they are doubtless washing their clothes in their television.

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I’m also pretty sure no one irons their clothes in their dryer because that would bring about some serious safety concerns. My favorite comparison in the commercial is when they say the sheets will come out hotel smooth. Am I the only one who feels that hotel sheets are the last thing I want my hotel sheets to be like? (Maybe I just stay at the wrong hotel. What, Motel 6 is not 5 Star?). Hotel sheets are disgusting and very uncomfortable. Those that are smooth are smooth because they are actually made out of cardboard.

It’s also very funny that they display words after every sentence they say. Is it really necessary to show the last words of every sentence? After watching the commercial for 20 seconds or more the words popping up everywhere becomes very annoying. Also do they really need to show fifteen different people putting the ball in the drying and pulling out nice smooth shirts? I think after the first time seeing it I figured out that you just put the ball into the front like you would your clothes and then take the clothes out afterward.

This commercial is so repetitive that it is a chore to watch all the way through. The product is great; it's one my wife uses regularly, and she swears by it. Maybe she can even get a job at a hotel thanks to her newfound secret.

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LIGHT RELIEF: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 00:07:00 +0000

Light Relief is a product that just looks super cool. I couldn't care less whether it works or not (and it does, by the way). As an avid STAR TREK fan, I gotta have one just because it looks so Star Trekky. Imagine: I can get rid of all of my pain by just rubbing it with this flashing light thingy.

And even if it didn't work (It does, by the way), I look so doggone futuristic just by using it.

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The one thing not so cool about their infomercial, though: their spokesman who starts it off. This guy looks and sounds like a Robert Wagner wannabee. And Robert Wagner ain't no spring chicken. Neither is this guy. It's somewhat less than convincing having an elderly person saying "the future is here."

On the other hand, since most people who start experiencing the pains that Light Relief addresses tend to be older, I can see the value of targeting them.

Something else about this commercial was a bit unconvincing: right as the announcer says you can "recapture your joy of living a happy, healthy life," the people on the screen seem as miserable as anyone I've ever known.

Also, they say that a professional device like this would cost over $2,000, then they say that Light Relief costs less than a fraction of the price.

Less than a fraction? Isn't the only thing less than a fraction ZERO?

Still, I'm happy with my Light Relief. People who see me with it are instantly impressed by just how it looks, regardless of whether it relieves pain (and it does, by the way).

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Thigh Glider Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 21:11:00 +0000

When I am bored and nothing seems to be on television, I like to check out what kind of infomercials are on. Last week I happened upon the Thigh Glider. This machine that claims to “easily” and “gracefully” firm and tone a woman’s butt and thighs. Lets just say I was immediately intrigued at the models in the infomercial. I am just a guy and seeing the motion of the models wasn't hard to look at, in fact it was hard to look away. However, I do come from an exercise physiology background and I have to say the machine and motion that it has you do seems sound.

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My girlfriend, like any woman I guess, always complains about little spots on her body that she doesn’t like. I see nothing wrong, but she complains nonetheless. That spot on her body does happen to be her inner thighs (a bit specific if you ask me) and I try to do everything I can with her to help her be more comfortable with her body. We run, hike, mt. bike, swim, go to the gym, and since I come from the background I do, I try to help her target the area she so loathes. I think the Thigh Glider would be perfect for her. So we aren’t exactly to the point in our relationship where I can buy her a workout machine, and if I am going to come out of the blue to suggest it, I must be very careful. That ground is on a slippery slope. That said, when she gets into another fret about how she hates her “inner” thighs, I know what I am going to say. The Thigh Glider can help with that, and I hope she wants one (and that’s not because I think she needs it J)

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Power Juicer Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 20:02:00 +0000

I have had a juicer in the past and let me tell you, there are a whole lot of ways to make a nasty drink. I have seen several different infomercials for juicers in my day and all of them talk of the healthy and “Easy” way to get your days essential vitamins and minerals. I do agree with the healthy part. I don’t believe that just because of making my own juice I am going to be the 80 year old man running down the beach with a boogie board, but at least I wont be spending a lot of money on sugar filled drinks, however delicious they are.

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Back to the point though. The most recent infomercial that I have seen related to juicers is the Power Juicer with its new sleek looking Stainless steel. The majority of the infomercial was concentrating on the making of juice and its health benefits. Great I say. That’s the reason I ever bought one. However, the one thing that they briefly touched on was the clean up. “Clean up is a breeze” they allege. Well, maybe I am just doing it wrong. You can’t just rinse it off. You have to wash it; otherwise it smells really bad in a few days. I made that mistake, and putting it in the dishwasher is exactly easy to do either.

Any who, I definitely recommend this product to anybody and everybody, especially parents with young kids. All too often parents are filling their children with sugar, and by making your own juice, at least your kids will be healthier.

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ZOOM MARINATOR: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 22:40:00 +0000

My wife hates it when I'm in the kitchen when she's trying to cook. I'm the guy running my fingers into the cookie dough, sampling the chili while it's still in the pan, and sneaking a deviled egg while she's not looking.

So here's my question: if women like my wife hate us being in the kitchen while they're cooking,why do they order so many fun devices that make guys like me want to play with them? Remember the Veg-O-Matic? It never worked, but it sure was a lot of fun!

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And now my wife bought the Zoom Marinator. This is a device with so many fun things to play with. It keeps things fresh by offering this pump that you push in and out to suck out all the air. I found myself wanting to "freshenize" things just to use the pump. Hey, here's some water! Let's keep it fresh! My wife was not impressed.

Then there's the contraption that you push down on top of your meat or vegetables that injects the food with whatever you want injected...."fifty flavor pins," according to Chef Tony. I think this was the last straw for my wife. She did not appreciate the baked potatoes injected with hot sauce. Oh well.

By the way, who is this Chef Tony guy in the commercial anyway? He looks like the greasy chef who works at every truckstop diner you've ever seen. Makes good looking food, though--if he in fact made the food in the commercial.

I'm glad my wife ordered ZOOM MARINATOR (even if they did misspell "marinater"). It's one of the best ways for guys like me to have fun in the kitchen.

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Micro Smores Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 19:22:00 +0000

“Would you like a Smore?”

“How can I have some more if I haven’t had any yet?”

“Your killing me here smalls!”

Ok, that’s enough Sandlot line dropping. So who hasn’t heard of a delicious Smore? You know the delicious camping treat you get when you roast a marshmallow then stick it on a graham cracker and chocolate. MMmmm! My mouth is watering just thinking about it. But wait, its winter. Traditionally, Smores are a treat attached solely to bonfires and camping and I don’t know about you but I have camped in the winter and it’s not all its cracked up to be. So how can I enjoy my favorite treat from my childhood year round? Well, that’s where Micro Smores comes in.

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It seems like a pretty simple design. A bit of plastic, and a stand, you put your ingredients in the desired order and place it on the stand and cover it with plastic, pop it in the microwave and poof, ten seconds later, deliciousness. Sorry, this was a kind of vague description, but the infomercial doesn’t really give much more information on how it works. Something about the microwave causes an arm on the plastic cover to compress everything inside to the perfect fit. Seems like magic to me. Oh, sweet, gooey, delicious magic. I don’t even need to make an excuse to my girlfriend about how I want to get this more my nephew, I am just getting it for myself. Screw the diet!!!!

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Fun Foil Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 20:06:00 +0000

Whoa!! This certainly isn’t what I thought it was going to be. When I first heard fun foil, my mind instantly drifted to yet another useless and poorly named kitchen utensil used to keep food “fresher” for longer. You can guess how surprised I was when it turned out the Fun Foil was just a toy for kids.

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And now that were on that topic, has it really been that long since I was a child. I mean, I remember seeing the infomercials for children’s toys when I was young and thinking “Oh my God” that thing looks awesome. But that was in a time when the infomercials that were targeting young kids included lead based paints or something equally considered dangerous by the dang Hippies that are in charge today. Bah, mercury poisoning isn’t that bad. We used to play with the stuff. Anyways, now the infomercials are on some seemingly lame items. Foil that you push onto an animal shaped figure and it comes out shiny. I think that its kind of a slap in the face to imagination and inventiveness of children, but wait, can’t even spank your kids anymore, dang Hippies!! When I was young we could play all day with a ball of Play Doh. We didn’t need any stencils to help us make something, we would just roll it into a ball and when it got too dirty and had all the hair in it, we would throw it away.

Now kids are suppose to “bling’ out there scooters and what not. I am all for creativity and individuality, but whether or not my nephews scooter looks like everyone else’s is pretty far set from my mind. Nonetheless, my nephew is four years old and I know that he will love to play with this foil stuff no matter how much I don’t care for it, and after all its for the kids.

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CARDIO TWISTER: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 19:44:00 +0000

There are TV commercials about fitness products for men and there are TV commercials about fitness products for women.

Cardio Twister is meant for both mean and women.....but as this commercial demonstrates, it's hard for a man to "twist" his way to fitness and still look macho. Something just looks positively unmanly in those twisty moes they perform.

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Cardio Twister, by the way, is an outstanding device that my niece uses regularly. It's this thing you step up on and using the handles, you--well, you twist. Great way to shed pounds. But guys--you'll want to use it inside, where you can't be seen. Not like the idiot in this commercial who moved this thing outside right by his swimming pool (Bad idea, not only because his neighbors can watch, but because one wrong twist would throw him in the water).

Still, the infomercial does its best to try to appeal to the guy. It starts with a single male in the front row surrounded by women on both sides. Hey, forget the twisting, this is any man's fantasy, right? Well, except for the fact that the gym where they're twisting looks like a disco straight out of the 1970s. They should twist to the Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive," and the effect would be complete.

One thing I really don't get. At the end of the commercial, they announce that if you "order now," they'll also send you a DVD showing how to twist.

Hmm.....How hard can it be to twist your body back and forth? Why the need for an instructional DVD? And if it's really that hard, what about the poor people who don't "call now," but wait a week? Will they be forever looking at their new Cardio Twister, not knowing how to use it?

It could be a dilemma for eaven the macho-est of macho men.

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KANGAROO KEEPER: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 18:47:00 +0000

Great news! Those makers of infomercial art are at it again, this time presenting you with the ultimate gift for any busy woman: The Kangaroo Keeper. Because every woman wants to be compared to a kangaroo.

Silly name aside, the Kangaroo Keeper got my sister's attention, and she's now the proud owner of one. The idea is that this is an insert for a woman's purse, chock full of compartments that allow her to keep her purse organized. You'd have to know my sister to know why this was perfect for her. She's an absolute neat freak. She keeps the remote control on the coffee table sitting completely parallel to the table side, and if you put it on the table askew, she comes by, makes fake conversation, and straightens it so it's again parallel to the table side.

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On the other hand, my wife is like every messy woman in this commercial. Both always inexplicably have their cell phones on the bottom of their purses (and then complain about not being able to find it when it rings). Both regularly dump out the equivalent of a garbage dump on the bed to get “organized.” And both seem to stay organized for about 2 hours.

Even my wife, though, isn't as stupid as the one lady who seems to just toss paper money all over the purse. No billfold for the money, it's just thrown inside the purse. Makes you wonder how much money she's lost and how she can even afford the Kangaroo Keeper at this point.

The moral: Kangaroo Keeper is a great gift for woman for whom organization matters. Not such a good one for my wife who pretends to be an organized slob—but can never quite get the motivation for it.

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DREAMIE: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 20:44:00 +0000

So just what is a Dreamie? The makers of this admittedly great product seemed to have trouble defining it. According to them it's this unique product that is kind of like a blanket except it opens up and you sleep inside of it, and it has a built-in pillow, so have something more comfortable to sleep on at hotels or on the couch, and ...and....and....

IT'S A SLEEPING BAG, OKAY? Why can't they just come right out and admit the Dreamie is a sleeping bag!Once you're willing to admit what it is, then you can concentrate on why it's better than your standard sleeping bag. And I'll grant you, it is. The Dreamie seems to be made of a silky kind of material that looks quite cozy, and the built-in pillow is a nice touch. And it's certainly more affordable than a sleeping bag.

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So call it a sleeping bag designed for indoor use. For covering up on the sofa or in front of the fireplace. But a sleeping bag it is.

The Dreamie commercial is silly in other ways, too. Like when they show a woman covering up with a blanket on the couch and then ask if you ever "wish you were in your own bed." This genius was obviously in her bedroom to get the blanket! So go to bed then!

Then there's the scene where the announcer notes that the Dreamie is perfect for dorm rooms--and show this college student on a bed larger than any I've ever slept on. Since when do college dorm rooms have king-sized beds?

My wife has been after me to get a few Dreamies. Maybe I'll break down and do that and take one with me camping. When she gets this look of horror, I'll just remind her: "It IS a sleeping bag, dear."

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Wow Storage Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 20:16:00 +0000

Very rarely do I see an infomercial that makes me tilt my head to the side and say “Dang, that’s a good idea.” It’s so rare in fact that I don’t think it has ever happened to me. What could this incredible invention be you ask that makes the guy who loves to watch infomercials passionate enough to describe his reaction to the infomercial itself? Could it be an in home money machine, or a food replicator (for you star trek people), the cure to cancer (I don’t think they would make an infomercial for that) or maybe a hologram (again for the trekkies)? The answer is no, to all of those. The incredible invention is actually some Tupper ware style containers (I know not as exciting as you thought). They are called the Wow Storage system and it’s actually kind of cool. So cool in fact that I don’t even have anything witty or bad to say about them.

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They are basically your average Tupper ware style containers that both sides of it can act as a bottom or a top. If you can wrap your head around that without a visual, then I salute you but I don’t think that I can explain it properly or due it justice describing it here so I suggest that you go and watch the infomercial for your self. Asseenontvvideos.com and the product is Wow Storage. Enjoy.

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Instyler Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 19:11:00 +0000

Wow, thank God I am a guy. I never have to worry about getting my hair just right before going on a date, going to work or just going out with friends. Come on guys, we have all seen it, your girl taking forever because she cant seem to get her hair to do what she wants and then we have to spend all kinds of money on them going to the stylist. Well, although I may be paying for it, I still consider myself lucky for not having to go through the ritual day in and day out. Even something simple like shaving I rarely do, so I couldn’t even imagine if I was expected to do my hair nicely everyday.

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I don’t know much about the hair styling world and what products are good and what are bad. I have seen many infomercials that offer incredible looking products that will make hair styling a breeze. But whenever I am forced to watch shows such as Americas Next Top Model, it looks to me that the stylists are just simply using regular old curling irons. But hey, what do I know? I do know that the Instyler does make perfect sense. I don’t know that the results will look as good as the models in the infomercials, in fact I highly doubt it, but maybe my girl is throwing me subtle hints when she gets mad about her hair, like maybe I should do something to help out. I dunno. That is confusing. At least her birthday is coming up and if I get and she loves, awesome, and if I get it and she uses it twice and then sits in the drawer for a few years before making its way to the yard sale table, then fine, I am still ok with that. I can’t believe there wasn’t an incentive like a book light or something to go along with the infomercial though. Cheap Skates!!

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CHALEAN EXTREME: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 19:33:00 +0000

In her never-ending quest to get me off the couch and start me on the path to losing weight, my wife handed me her computer the other day and asked me to watch an infomercial for CHALEAN EXTRME. I asked her what it was for, and she told me to do whatever it tells me to do.

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I was instantly excited by what the announcer said: He told me I could be a FAT burning machine. Well I'm already fat, so I'm halfway there! I got up off the couch, pulled out my cigarette lighter and lit some candles. I went to the couch and lit the burners on our gas stove. I put a log on the fireplace and lit it. Through all of this, my wife just watched.

When I finished with the fireplace, I started finding things to burn: newspaper, plastic bags, even toilet paper. Burning was my new hobby.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" She screamed at me.

Your commercial told me I can be a FAT burning machine, so I got excited about it. Thanks to my lighter, and to the fact that I'm already fat, I'm going to be the best FAT burning machine you can find.

"You idiot!" she said, while hitting me on the head with a newspaper I hadn't burned yet. "Watch the rest of the commercial. Not a FAT burning machine, a fat-BURNING machine. It's an exercise program that burns the fat off you!"

Sure enough, it's this program that my wife says is intense and effective...combining cardio, nutrition and muscle training in one package. She loves it, but....well.....

Oh, well....that sounds like too much work.

I wonder if I can burn off the fat with my lighter?

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NECKLINE SLIMMER; Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 20:22:00 +0000

This commercial for a product called Neckline Slimmer almost ruined my marriage. As my wife expressed interest in it, I made the mistake of agreeing with her that she should try it. She didn't speak to me for three days.

The first thing I noticed when I watched this commercial was that the spokeswoman asked, “What if I told you that in two minutes a day….” Well in two minutes a day I can watch this entire commercial. This was a ridiculously long commercial. Right when I thought it was going to be the end… BAM! We also have this to go along with it. Just stop the commercial already.

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One more thing that bothered me about this, one man that used this product. Only one. And he was at the very end of the commercial. I don’t mind all the women in the commercials because there have probably been studies that show that the more women in a commercial the more successful that commercial will be. But that is a little extreme to just have a single man in the commercial.

I watched this commercial online, and another thing that bothered me was that it took forty-two seconds of the commercial to find out what…. What the product is!!! I mean I understand building the suspense to make the product seem better but make it earlier than thirty seconds in. Otherwise the audience is gone already.

In most commercials with products like these they always have some sort of diagram to explain how their product does what it does. Well this product obviously needs no explanation for how it works.

Why is there a bag for this thing? This thing can easily fit in your pocket. But also, are you going to take this thing out on the town with you. There is something special about this. “Hey hold on for two minutes I need to slim my neck up.” No one really wants to hang out with someone like that. You need to do that at your place like when you wake up. No one is in that much of a hurry to not do that.

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GRATER PLATER: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 20:01:00 +0000

Remember this?

"I do not like them
in a house.
I do not like them
with a mouse.
I do not like them
here or there.
I do not like them
anywhere.
I do not like
green eggs and ham.
I do not like them,
Sam-I-am."

I love Dr. Seuss rhymes as much as anyone, and "Green Eggs & Ham" is my favorite. But I hate it when infomercial spokesmen try to "Seussify" their ads. Take the infomercial for the GRATER PLATER as an example.

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With it, we're told "you have a plate that grates." And "For zest, it's the best." And "If you use a press, it's a mess." I was expecting to find out that "I could grate inside a house, I could even grate a mouse. I can grate my eggs and ham. You can grate, too, Sam I Am!"

By the way, as you can guess by the product name, Grater Plater is this handy plate-like device that makes it a breeze to grate just about anything--cheese, garlic, onions--anything. And yes, I ordered it, and yes, it's as good as the ad suggests. But please--spare me the childish poetry.

Sure, there were other things about the commercial that irked me, too. Like when she showed the graphic scene where a lady cut herself with a standard grater. And like the part where the announcer said a regular grater would not even pop a balloon (Sorry, but I seldom use my grater for that purpose.)

But still, it's the poetry that I hate the most. Why?

"Because when you try to rhyme your ad,
it winds up sounding really bad,
Just like you're speaking to a child,
and I wind up feeling quite riled."

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E-CIGARETTE Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 19:04:00 +0000

Sometimes you see a commercial for a product that just makes you scratch your head, drop your jaw and say, "WHAAAAT?" Oh, sometimes it might be a good product. It's just a strange one. Such was the case when I saw a commercial recently for something known as the Electronic Cigarette, or "E Cigarette" (The commercial was a segment entitled "Smart Smoker.")
So here's the concept. The E-Cigarette helps you stop smoking by replacing a regular cigarette with this electronic device that's kind of shaped like a cigarette, it feels like a cigarette, and it delivers taste and even nicotine into the system like a cigarette. But it's a much lesser amount of nicotine which is gradually reduced until you don't need it at all.
I honestly think this is a great idea with great potential.....and yet it seems so bizarre. I mean, wouldn't you kind of feel like the kid who's smoking a bubble-gum cigarette to pretend like he's really smoking? Only now you're an adult "making believe."
And flavors? That's right: The e-cigarette comes in flavor. During the brief time that I smoked, my cigarettes came in two flavors: filtered and super-bitter. But the c-cigarette comes in those as well as mint and apple. An apple "cigarette?" Why not just smoke a Granny Smith? Probably has vitamins that somehow reach your lungs.
The commercial also makes the point that the e-cigarette does not actually burn, and therefore it's legal even in restaurants that ban smoking. But let's be honest: This is human nature we're fighting here. If an anti-cigarette zealot sees something hanging from your lips, she's going to imagine she smells smoke and march right to the manager and report you.
So in summary, I think the e-cigarette is a great concept. But it's so unusual that there is still a weird factor that many people are not ready for. However, having said that, I would urge people to overlook the weirdness and, if it's the difference between getting lung cancer and living a long, healthy life, overcome the weird feeling and smoke --er "unsmoke" an e-cigarette.

INSANITY: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 19:50:00 +0000

Rarely have I seen a product on a TV commercial with so perfect a name as INSANITY. Because in the infomercial I watched, the spokesman screamed at me while showing me a guy with a super-defined six-pack ab....His question for me: "Think your body can look like this 60 days from now?" I burped on my Double Whopper, checked out my protruding tummy and said out loud "Yeah that's insanity all right."
I tried to watch the commercial through, despite getting motion sickness as the camera jiggled and shook back and forth, up and down. Here was this guy who sounded like a Drill Instructor screaming, "DIG DEEPER! DIG, DIG, DIG, DIG, DIG!"
Dig? Where are the shovels? Finally I realized this was a DVD exercise program where the idea, as the spokesman said, "is you just push it to the limit."
Now I'm a fan of truth in advertising. But is there such a thing as being TOO truthful in your commercials? This guy bragged about how hard this is: "If you don't mind working out in a pool of your own sweat, you just might be crazy enough for Insanity!"
Honestly, I'm not crazy enough to walk in a p air of wet socks, and my jelly belly and I have gotten to like each other. So Insanity might not be for me.
And maybe I'm just too accustomed to the fitness ads that promise you can just chug down a drink or get on a machine for 10 minutes a day--Fitness made simple! But this was shocking to me on every level. And it even had moments of silliness. For instance, I chuckled a bit when the spokesman said "You don't need to spend countless hours in the gym," even though the whole commercial featured guys working out--you guessed it--in the gym.
The spokesman frankly says, "It's not for a person who's lazy. It's not for a person who finds excuses." And that is, of course, my modus operandi in life. Honestly, this looks like a fantastic workout by people who dare to be honest. This is great for my military brother, and I plan to buy it for him for his birthday. But me? I just don't love sweat that much.

TOUCH 'N BRUSH: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 18:57:00 +0000

Did you ever hear a parent's child scream in a restaurant or grocery store and want to either go yell at the kid to SHUT UP! I had one of those moments watching the new commercial for Touch 'n Brush, a product you hang on the wall that dispenses toothpaste neatly, quickly and efficiently. Only it wasn't just the kids I wanted to scream at (bad as they were), but the adults too.

Look, these people deserve to have that mess in the bathroom that the announcer says Touch 'n Brush fixes. They just aren't even trying. That first person who squirts toothpaste all over the sink just shoots it out of the tube, without even aiming for the brush. The third one seemed to be aiming across the room.

And then we have a picture of some kid leaving her toothbrush on the sink, with the bristles touching the sink. Would someone call child services already? Who knows what kind of germs that girl will be inserting in her mouth now!

And then we see a person who tries to put toothpaste on her brush without even holding the brush itself. Not advisable, and more proof that this whole family needs a good dose of common sense.

Finally, toward the end of the commercial I finally think I figured out who the mother of the kids is. It's this woman who is brushing her teeth with the sonic toothbrush who seems for all the world like she's in a trance. She has this half-convincing smile on her face like you'd expect from a cult member. And as she brushes her teeth, she blinks about 3 times in a minute. Definitely a trance and definitely why the kids are allowed to create this kind of bathroom mess.

THE WAVE SPEED SLIMMING: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 19:53:00 +0000

Oh where, oh where, oh where are these women!? I'm talking about the women who appear all throughout the infomercial for The Wave Speed Slimming program.

For those who haven't seen it, The Wave is this weight loss / fitness product that you can stand on and rock back and forth. Or turn it the other way, and use it as an incline for various stair exercises. And there are multiple other ways to use it as well, all of which are legitimate exercises, made genuinely easier thanks to The Wave.

But back to the women. Where , oh where, are these women? Where are the women who dress like this when they're at the gym? When I go to the gym, if it'a a mixed gym with males and females, the women certainly do not wear the skimpy bikinis like these ladies do. And honestly, I wouldn't want them to. Elephants just don't work in a thong. And for some reason, elephants are the people who always grace the gyms I visit.

And where oh where are the women who smile seductively all the way through their workout. All of these exercise infomercials, including this one, show women with their eyes halfway closed and an alluring slight grin on their faces as if getting sweaty is a great turn-on for them. Meanwhile, at my gym for elephants, the woman scrunch their noses, grunt and spit.

And where oh where are the women who say "If you don't have the money, I'll buy it for you." That's what one model tells her friend in the commercial. Hey, someone buy me a Wave and I just might try it!

One other thing puzzles me about this commercial: They say they're marketing this for millions of women. Why women? Why are the best, funnest things always targeted for women? Men like to have fun when they're working out, too.

At least, that's what I hear--from men who actually work out. Yes, I admit: I, too, am an elephant.

HEADACHE STOPPER: Infomercial Review

noreply@blogger.com (Blog Writer) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 21:39:00 +0000

I actually studied a bit on advertising when I was in college (The idea was to become an ad copywriter). One thing I learned was that your commercial should attract people to the product. You should not cause the potential customer pain or nausea by simply watching your commercial.

Someone should have told this to the makers of the Headache Stopper commercial. They start off the commercial showing these women clearly in agony, as they rub their throbbing, painful heads. And as they do, they practically made me feel the pain as well. So I turned the commercial off.

The next time, I winced my way through the first part and saw that the commercial gets downright silly later on. Don't get me wrong: I think Headache Stopper is a great concept, a good product. You put this band-like thing on your head and it massages away your headache. But this model seemed a bad choice to show it off. The glazed look in her eyes (She never blinks once) and the long straight head....everything about her makes her look like a hippy. So what do they do? They then wrap Headache Stopper around her head which, on her, now looks like a hippy's headband. And now the effect is complete. My first thought was to wonder if her headache was attributed to the intake of illegal substances.

Or if not, maybe it's because later in the commercial, we see her sitting with 20 pill bottles in front of her. So now we know her drug of choice is probably prescription pain-relievers. Solidifying the evidence is the scene later where we see someone frolicking in a meadow. The commercial spokesperson seems to suggest it's because she's headache-free. I think it's the pills.

A word of warning: Headache Stopper is a great product for those with the standard stress-related headaches. But if your headache is a product of illegal drugs—your problem is deeper than that.